33 - And What Would I Want To Be?
What would you think if you were one year closer to your dead-line? The literal dead-line, I mean…
So here’s what I thought. It’s just like an alarm that wakes you up in the morning while you still want to sleep. A punch in your head while you still want to continue dreaming….
Thirty-three, and I’m still half-way to figure out what I want to be, what I really want to be. Not just doing everyday’s life, but living in it. Wow, that’s huge!
Thirty-three, and what have I done for this past one year? It would be embarrassing to realize that you haven’t gotten anywhere since your last birthday. Well, not me… I DID make progress in my life. Not a bunch of quantum leaps, but, yes, I call them progresses.
Following my heart, and encourage by a long-lost friend, I started to learn Italian. "You should learn a foreign language. Haven’t you realized that you’ve got talent in languages?" that’s what he said. Italian is a very tough choice, though. Not many speakers, even in the world. No formal course or institute in Surabaya. No native speakers I knew. But, I was very confident about doing this. This was one thing I started doing because I enjoyed it, not because I had to do it. And with a beginner’s luck I found my highway to learn this so beautiful-yet-difficult language, not so long after I’d decided to move on. I got connected to an Italiano (my friend introduced me to him) who had been living in Sanur, Bali for 13 years, and he spoke Bahasa as if he had been living here since he was born. My first Italian teacher… no, my first Italian sparring partner. I learned it by myself and practiced it with others. And to continue my beginner’s luck (well, not so beginner, I guess. A quasi-intermediate would be better…), since then, I keep in touch with a bunch of Italian friends, all very nice guys and girl (only one girl, can you imagine?!), to keep my Italian alive.
Another progress: Hey, I started a blog! It’s been so long since I wanted to wake up the writer in me. I felt down and disgraceful when I read my journals (that’s what I called them, my notes about everything) I’d written when I was in high school. "Gosh, how could those words ever come across my mind! I can never do the same now!" I thought. Well, some earthly stuffs had separated me from my serenity, my idealisms, my thoughtful thoughts… Hehehe…. well, this blog is like a medium to prove that I still have passion in writings. But, of course, one step at a time….
And one important progress: I started to read (again)! According to a friend’s terminology, I’m evolving from the toilet stage. Yes, the only time I’d spent my time to read was when I went to toilet every morning. And those were just newspaper of the bad news and some pop magazines (FHM was one of my favorites). And look at what I’ve done in this past one month! I’ve finished Coelho’s "The Alchemist" and Trinity’s "The Naked Traveler". I read Konner’s "The Atheist’s Bible". I’m reading Marina Silvia’s "Keliling Eropa 6 Bulan…" and Pausch’s "The Last Lecture". Well, yes, I guess I’m evolving…
Ok, not a very bad year, after all…. But still no clear answer about the big question about what I want to be. But one important thing, I’m moving forward. i don’t get stuck.
So, what now? Well, I have to set my goal as high as I can. I want to live a balanced life. Work and play. Eat and work-out. Read and write. Yin and yang. Spooring and balancing. Hahahaha….
A better job. Better vacations. Better relationships with others. And what else…
Love life? Ah, I’d rather think myself as Santiago, the guy in "The Alchemist". In my pathway to chase my destiny, I would find my own Fatima. That’s for sure. Besides, it’s a lifetime journey, it will never end until you die. So why would I worry about such thing?
Ok, that’s all. I got to move on. Hopefully next year, the title would be "34 - I’ve Finally Found Out What I’m Living For"….
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